Abish Story

The following is an excerpts from my husband's journal that he wrote while in the hospital.

October 25, 2010

9:40 A.M

Still holding the silent body of my 7^th child born at 6:48 am this morning. She lived about the same time as Ammon did, about 39 minutes. 39 minutes that seemed like hours for me.

This day began at 3:00 am when Daisy woke me up to say she felt contractions and wanted to go to the hospital. We arrived quickly and the doctor on duty came to check her. A quick check revealed the worst, that she had already fully dilated and the delivery was immanent.

Baby Abish came at at once with the water bag and all. The doctor and nurse sprung into action as she lay on the bed. These first few moments were chaotic, but the images are clear in my mind. Unlike Ammon, Abish had a lot of body motion. Her arms flexed and she wiggled her feet. Even a tiny faint cry was heard and for a few moments my heart lifted at the thought that maybe there was something that could be done for her.

One of the doctors from the NICU was standing by to assess whether to go forward with measures to stabilize her. After looking carefully and measuring heart rate etc., he determined that Abish's body was not sufficiently developed to survive and she was carefully wrapped in a blanket and given back to us. The NICU doctor said her heart rate was about 1/3of normal and irregular.

The rest of our time was spent in trying to be sure we have a good clear memory of our brief time together.

Right after having her back in my hands I asked the nurses to be quiet for a moment and gave her a priesthood blessing and a name. I have previously called our bishop to ask if this was ok to perform the ordinance. Though my emotions were hard to control I performed the ordinance and pronounced her name. I blessed her to have a speedy journey back to our Heavenly Father and expressed our love for Her and our desire to be re united with her and her brother.

I think we're still in shock and disbelief at this point as the full impact of this day has not yet hit me. I never imagined that I would be called upon by Heavenly father to experience this loss again. Although I have been through this before, I was nonetheless unprepared for it. As with Ammon, the moments and actions of others in the room seemed to disappear and a sort of a tunnel vision focused my attention to Daisy and Abish. Together Daisy and I examined and memorized every detail of our sweet baby Abish, not wanting to miss any possible opportunity for the closeness we would soon lose. Every moment of her hands and every attempt at taking a breath caused my heart to leap in my chest and the fall again as she fell still